Intent

My family and I love the show Last Man Standing on ABC; in particular the rants by Mike Baxter (Tim Allen) on his "vlog".  Sorry for the crude recording, but this particular rant was just too fitting for my blog to pass up! We really do allow words to cripple, hinder our interactions.  Before we react to something someone has said, we need to do a bit of rational thinking and examine the intent and context in which the word(s) were said.  They may not be nearly as horrible as you originally thought they were!

To Be Slow

I have re-written this particular post at least half a dozen times.  Each time I finish, I go back through and read it and still feel like there is something missing; then I had this great conversation about the word that follows with my 14 and 16 year old sons.  They shared some great wisdom and perspective! (Yeah, I know; some feel that teen and wisdom are not two words that typically go together.) Before, I get into the wonderful insight which my boys shared with me let me give you a little background of why this word is one that makes you scratch your head and say hmm.

 One day I was working on some paperwork when I messed up, and without a second thought I said something.  Shortly after I spoke; someone turned to me and said very kindly, “Please do not use that word, I find it offensive.”  It was after that, I had to dig a little deeper to see why people get offended when particular words are said.  I had to take the opportunity to educate myself and maybe others!

What was the offensive word that spewed from out of my mouth?  I had said "oh that was so retarded!" Retard or retarded is a term I have always typically used to call myself or something that I have done wrong.  I do not direct it towards anyone and have never given it much thought.   It is not to say that I didn't understand why the word retard offended the individual, because I do. I am a parent of a child with special needs, as is the individual whom I offended.

So after that fateful day I came home and went to find my ever trusty Webster’s New Encyclopedic Dictionary that my grandmother had purchased for me back when I first started college (in the 90’s).  I flipped through the pages until I found the word retard.  Here is the definition of the word retard: to slow up or hold back; to be slow.   Instantly I had to wonder why anyone would get offended by that?!  I mean really….who doesn't have a little retard in them?  I know I do!  I am a self-proclaimed math retard!  My inability to work quickly through a math problem kept me away from going back to school for, well, way longer than I would like to admit.  Wanting to further enlighten myself, I did a Google search of retard; A LOT pops up about how or why people shouldn't use the “R” word, how offensive it is, etc... But nothing popped up about word origins.

OK, now for a little history on the word.  Retard comes from the Latin word retardare “to make slow, delay, keep back, to hinder,” my 14 year old informed me that the word ritardando (which also happens to have roots from the Latin word retardare) is used in the musical word and it means a slowing down; or deceleration.   Mental retardation means the same as mentally delayed. So by definition there is nothing derogatory about the word retard.  It is in the power we give it! It was in the 1960’s that the word retard started to be used in a derogatory sense. It is when we allow uneducated rhetoric to sway our thoughts that we allow even more demeaning terms to be adopted.  Step into the 21^st century and the realm of political correctness. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (the DSM) which is considered the bible of mental disorders has changed the wording of the diagnosis from mental retardation to intellectual disability. Here in lies another questions, what about the word disable?  Back to that trusty dictionary; disable means to make unable or incapable.  So by calling someone disabled are we saying they are incapable of doing one thing or another?   In this politically correct world we live in are we actually being more demeaning?  I personally would much rather be labeled slow then to have a label slapped on me saying I was incapable!

If you haven’t noticed yet, it is the modern world that has placed the negative connotation onto retard, a term meaning slow. Now, I am not some heartless witch!  When I see people use the word in a judgmental way it makes me sad. I have the wonderful opportunity to work with many who have special needs, and I have come into contact with many who have the diagnosis of mental retardation intellectual disability.  I enjoy the opportunities I have to spend time with them, and I am constantly learning from them. If someone uses the word retard in a harmful way, I make sure they understand that the word means to be slow at something and each and every one of us is slow at something!

Now for the wisdom of my teenagers!  While driving them across town to school, I asked them both if they would be offended if someone called them retarded.  The 14 year old was the first to pipe up replying “No, because I know it isn't true.”  Then came the 16 year old reply “well duh!”  To understand the difference in replies you need to know that my 16 year old is an Aspie (he has Asperger Syndrome.)  After we talked about the word and what it really meant, with all the wisdom of a 16 year old, he said “well it is just dumb that people think the word retard means stupid!”  Amen to that!  We closed the conversation as we pulled up to the high school with my advice to him.  If someone calls him retarded, he should smile and say “Why yes, I am slow at a few things (after all the word retard means to be slow), but I would much rather be slow then stupid!  (Stupid: lacking intelligence or common sense) And your improper use of the word retard shows your stupidity, buy a dictionary!”  They both laughed, and said almost in unison, “OK mom, we will have the smarter mouth!”

Bad Words

This made me laugh!  Seriously though, are there not times when you get frustrated and certain words just slip out? Remember, only you can assign meaning to a word!  You hold the power!

A Bundle of Sticks

http://www.homeeducationday.org/images/Twigs%20(2).jpg

Once upon a time, there was a young lady who followed the crowd.  She decided to call one of her classmates a name; not understanding what it meant, only that everyone else was doing it.  What followed was a lesson that perhaps only now she really understands!

OK, so that young lady was me and I got busted because the teacher overheard me!  At the time I was not happy with the punishment but it has stuck like glue and to this day I often share it with others. 

The story is extremely appropriate for my blog because my punishment was to be sent to the dictionary to look up the word which I used.  What was it?  I called another kid a faggot and Mrs. Emde was not happy about it!  She told me straight out that she expected better of me and sent me on my quest to find out what the word really meant.  What did I discover when I finally found the word in the classroom dictionary; any thoughts?  My guess is that you thought of the term that has negative connotations attached to it, but that is not what I found!  A faggot: often referring to a bundle of sticks or twigs especially used for fuel.  Why has this definition stuck with me for all these many years?  Maybe it’s because Mrs. Emde made me write it about a hundred times, or maybe because it was a profound lesson about how our society changes the definition of words from something innocent to something atrocious.

I have searched the net to try to find some sort of evidence regarding the semantics of the word and when it changed in America, but I have not come across anything other than personal thought I am looking for something I can cite, I want references!  According to Wikipedia, across the pond the word fag is used in a slang form to describe a cigarette and faggot is used to this day to describe meatballs!  I could find nothing concrete that talked about when the word jumped across the Atlantic and became associated with homosexual men! I did find an interesting article that I would invite my blog visitors to read at  http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2112/how-did-faggot-get-to-mean-male-homosexual

To end, I just have to say that I was extremely happy today when I shared my story with a friend and she immediately said “Well, duh it means a bundle of sticks!!!”  Hats off to you Becky for having a smarter mouth!

Bitch

Just the other day I was having a discussion with a friend who lived out of the country for a while. She mentioned to me that after returning to the United States, cuss words had zero meaning to her.  She had lived in Brazil where the words our culture considers “bad” had no meaning there.  This made me think how much cultural significance we place on those “bad” words.  In fact, I wonder if the more society uses those naughty words if those words would become invisible in society as a whole.  Profanity in our culture is so widely accepted that no one typically bats an eye when a profane word is used. Not to mention, we place far too much importance on such words!

Take the word bitch as an example, if you google it you get two definitions. The first being a noun meaning a female dog, fox, wolf or otter. The second being a verb meaning the expression of displeasure or grumble.  If we head over to Wikipedia we see it defined as more of an insult.  With that being said, how many of us have a negative connotation of the word?  My bet is the majority of society relates the word to the second definition or the Wikipedia definition not the first given.  But where did word originate? How did we get to this meaning people so frequently associate so much negativity too?

A Little History

 After doing a little leg work, this is what I have found; the Oxford Dictionary states that the origin of the word is Old English “bicce” which is said that itself is a derivative of the word “bikkja” (Old Norse).  Either way, they all mean the same thing: a female dog!  According to The Encyclopedia of Swearing: The Social History of Oaths, Profanity, Foul Language, and Ethnic Slurs in the English Speaking World by Geoffrey Hughes, the earliest use of the word in a derogatory sense meaning a promiscuous or sensual woman, this was a metaphor of the behavior of a bitch in heat (female dog) and dates back to about 1330! (Who would have thought?) During the eighteenth century the term became more potent and dominating.  In the Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue (1785) it is written that “the most offensive appellation that can be given to an English woman, even more provoking than that of whore, as may be gathered from the regular Billingsgate or St. Gile’s answer – ‘ I may be a whore, but can’t be a bitch.’”  Fast forward to modern times and the term is still considered a vulgarity in both the United States and England, but in the world we live in many slang terms have other meanings; like “man that ski run was bitchin” which is interpreted as “the ski run was excellent”.  The term is still used to describe the behavior of a female dog after she has had puppies.  A barking, nipping, aggressive, do anything to protect her babies. With that being said, if you get snippy or defensive and someone calls you a bitch, is it really a bad thing?  I say no!  Why, because someone is recognizing that you have the ability to stand up for yourself and defend what you hold dear!  I have searched the web for hours and everything I find points to the modern belief that the term” bitch” is a term of empowerment.  A lot of women yield to the meaning referring to a protective mother dog. I know that is what I think of when I have hear the word used.

A Teaching Moment

Many years ago, when my oldest boys were 3 and 5 they were outside playing when the oldest fell.  My three year old without missing a beat exclaimed “son of a bitch that’s an Ouchy.”  Being the ever responsible parent, I had to stifle my laugh as I told them I didn’t want to hear them use that word.  Later, my husband and I decided it would be best to explain to the boys the meaning of the word bitch.  We discussed the noun version; a female dog, thus a son of a bitch would be a boy dog.  Always witty, one of them asked, “Like grandma and grandpa’s dog Ozzie?”  They hit the nail right on the head!  At our very next trip to grandma and grandpa’s the three year old decided to share his new found knowledge with his grandpa and he very proudly declared “HEY GRANDPA, DID YOU KNOW OZZIE IS A SON OF A BITCH?”  Thank goodness for grandpas with a sense of humor because he quickly said while laughing “well aren’t you smart, you are right!” Grandma on the other hand did not find the three year olds new knowledge so enlightening.

When properly as a noun it isn’t bad at all!  When we look back to Old Norse (think Vikings: 793-1066 AD) the word” bikkja” it referred to a female dog, nothing vulgar or obscene at all!  Even when used in the fashion to describe a protective mother dog in our modern world it is considered a term that connotes power! So let us educate the world one mouth at a time!

I just want to thank my son “J” for picking out this awesome picture that he found at http://www.dogcentral.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/aggresive-dog-2.jpg

A simple change

Ever wonder how just simply changing the way you say something can affect another person?  I found this great video on YouTube and just had to share it because it illustrates the concept so beautifully .  Same thing, yet drastically different words and WOW what a huge difference a simple change makes!

A little intro...

I will warn each and every reader now; I guarantee that at some point along the journey of spring semester 2014 I will offend you! If you are looking for political correctness, you need to look somewhere else. I fully believe that political correctness is part of what is killing our nation.  Growing up my dad use to say to me “opinions are like butt-holes, everyone has one,” I never really thought much of it until I was much older. We all have opinions; the beauty is that we can agree to disagree!  I cannot count the number of times I have been called a hater, bigot, racist, etc. because I did not agree with someone.  People  it is OK to have a difference of opinion!  That different doesn't make myself or anyone else a hater or a racist it simply makes me different than you!  Just imagine if you would for a moment how boring this world would be if everyone agreed!

 

Since this blog is for a class I am enrolled in I have to be completely honest and let you know that first and foremost I am concerned with my grade (Yes Phil, I am one of those!)  I would also like to get those gears moving and make every reader think!  I am not trying to sway your opinion one way or another, I just want people to try to understand other points of view, and maybe as a bonus help someone out there not be so uptight! :)