Slut

I have a confession, when I was a teen I used the word slut, and not just a little bit.  It was one of my favorite four letter words, not the favorite, but one of them.  I had a mouth that could make a sailor blush.  When I turned 18, I made some major changes in my life and left most of my four letter vocabulary buried in the past.  I have used the term a few times within the past 20 years, but not much.

 Sitting in class and we played a little word associating game, when someone in the class of 70 people shouted “slut”.  After class I went to the front of the room, and stopped the Professor from erasing all the words that would be associated with a promiscuous woman and studied them for a moment wondering if there was a blog post in there somewhere. (We did the exercise for men as well, and as a society we really do glorify men sleeping around and punish women for doing the same thing.) After a few moments; I had decided that I didn't think there was anything worth my time; Phil (the professor) had other ideas when he said “you need to do the word slut!”  I told him I would at least think about it.  Obviously since I am now writing, I have given it a lot of thought, and decided to do a little background research.  What I found was a little more than surprising, and as a result; I have my new post!

I stumbled across the Online Etymology Dictionary, and it was extremely helpful; the majority of the history is taken straight from that site. The history of the word was a little shocking and fascinating, especially when I read that Geoffrey Chaucer used the word sluttish to describe a dirty man as early as 1386. I should mention dirty as in actual dirt! So, in the late 14^th century the term we know now, was only used as a label for a filthy, messy, slovenly man.   Some say that it comes from the Middle English word slutte (early 15^th century) meaning dirty, unkempt or slovenly woman.  From the middle of the 15^th century, it was also used to describe a kitchen maid.  There is a word in German “schlutt” which means slovenly woman, and the Dutch have a word “slodder” meaning a careless man.  We can look through history, and many languages that all have words that are close to slut that mean, foul, dirty, etc... The word as we have come to know it in modern times; a woman of loose morals is believed to have its roots from about 1660 when it was used as more of a playful term not having anything to do with sexual promiscuity.  We can find the word actually used in the connotation we associate it with as early as 1715, in Thomas Hearne’s book Acts of the Apostles when he writes “nor was she a woman of any beautiful, but a nasty slut.”  I can genuinely say, that I would have never in a million years guessed that the word slut had such a colorful history. Then again, if there is anything I have learned by doing this blog, it is that most of the negative words we have in our modern world are deep rooted in Middle English (late 12^th-late 15^th centuries) and started out completely innocent.

In 2011, a Toronto police officer told students at York University to avoid sexual assault they should avoid “dressing like a slut.” Playing devil’s advocate for just a moment, how many times have you said something and it came out way more offensive then you had intended? I know I have, and more than just a few times.  I am not dismissing a woman’s desire to dress any particular way, but what I am saying is maybe before you go out (regardless of the place) you think about what image you are trying to portray. I think back to when I was in high school, and the way I dressed sometimes.  You know what? I think I might have been portraying myself in not so positive a light.  Either way, the major backlash started what has become known as the Slutwalk, where those who march protest the excuse that the way women dress is an excuse for assault and also to empower victims. This movement has spread across the border into the United States with walks taking place in many different states.  I honestly can think of a few different things to call a walk, but I have to tip my hat for the awareness to rape and rape survival that the walk has drawn.

I will probably forever associate the word with a person of loose morals regardless of gender.  I know it isn't the world’s viewpoint, but as for myself; I do not understand the desire some people have to sleep around with a bunch of different people.  I just don’t get it, and I guess I never will.

Rednecks be proud!

You might be a redneck if……you own a crappy truck!?  We are the proud owners of an old 65 GMC.  My husband grew up in that truck and he loves it!  The city in which we live in does not!  A few years ago we got a warning from them because apparently we were in violation of city code whatever number.  I called the city and asked what the problem was and the man on the other end of the line said “well, vehicles that do not run are not allowed to be parked in the front of your home unless they are in the driveway” at the time the warning was issued the truck was sitting on a rocky area on the east of our property.   My immediate response was “so what you are telling me is because you do not like the paint job on the truck you assume it is run down and dilapidated!?” (It might be just a pinch dilapidated.)  He then proceeded to ask if the truck ran, well duh!   We had originally moved it to allow more space for our friends to park in the driveway, and a few days later moved it back.  The city person just happened to drive past during the few days it had sat on the rocks.  He promptly apologized, but told me the truck needed to be moved (already done).  He also didn't like our new lawn ornament (the frame of an old couch we had taken out of our 70’s RV) boy these city folk are picky!!! ;)    

In all seriousness though, the definition of a redneck depends upon who you ask.  I am pretty sure if you asked Jeff Foxworthy or any of his thousands of fans (yes I think he is hilarious) they are not going to take offense.  In fact, in the video I have posted Mr. Foxworthy gives a fabulous definition: a glorious and complete absence of sophistication. Anyone knows you don’t have to be from the South to fit that description.  Obviously from the above example I totally fit, and that is OK. 

I read somewhere that those who do find redneck offensive feel that it fits into the same slang category as cracker, hillbilly and white trash.  I grew up in a trailer park and have been called white trailer trash.  I guess I am just loud and proud lack sophistication!  Which leads me to another definition I stumbled across;  a redneck is simply someone who is extremely proud of their heritage. (Heck yeah, I have some great memories of Panhandle Trailer Court!)  According to Merriam Webster, a redneck is a white person who lives in a small town or in the country especially in the southern U.S., who typically has a working-class job, and who is seen by others as being uneducated and having opinions and attitudes that are offensive.   Just cause you’re a redneck does not mean you have an attitude or that you are offensive! I know plenty of very educated people who have a lot of attitude and are extremely offensive.  

OK, all joking aside when I really started to dig, I found that the term dates back to the 1830’s in the Carolina’s when it was used to describe the laborers in the fields who had a sun burnt neck after long days of hard labor in the fields.

Why must people take offense to innocent words?  Have the smarter mouth the next time someone calls you a redneck; immediately stop and check to see if your neck is sun burnt, if not make sure they know it or you can just play a little Foxworthy! 

Random quotes that I found...

I am still working on the next BIG post.  In the mean time, here are a few quotes that I have stumbled across in the past few weeks while working that I think are fabulous!

"When I need to know the meaning of a word, I look it up in the dictionary." ~ William Safire


"People are under the impression that dictionaries legislate language. What a dictionary does is keep track of usages over time."~ Steven Pinker

“Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. They are labels we give things in an effort to wrap our puny little brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time the totality of the reality is an entirely different beast. The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them.” ~ Karen Marie Moning

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." ~ Rudyard Kipling

"Words can be like X-rays if used properly - - they'll go through anything." ~ Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

"I'm very sensitive to the English language.  I studied the dictionary obsessively when I was a kid and collected old dictionaries.   Words, I think, are very powerful and they convey an intention." ~Drew Barrymore

Intent

My family and I love the show Last Man Standing on ABC; in particular the rants by Mike Baxter (Tim Allen) on his "vlog".  Sorry for the crude recording, but this particular rant was just too fitting for my blog to pass up! We really do allow words to cripple, hinder our interactions.  Before we react to something someone has said, we need to do a bit of rational thinking and examine the intent and context in which the word(s) were said.  They may not be nearly as horrible as you originally thought they were!

To Be Slow

I have re-written this particular post at least half a dozen times.  Each time I finish, I go back through and read it and still feel like there is something missing; then I had this great conversation about the word that follows with my 14 and 16 year old sons.  They shared some great wisdom and perspective! (Yeah, I know; some feel that teen and wisdom are not two words that typically go together.) Before, I get into the wonderful insight which my boys shared with me let me give you a little background of why this word is one that makes you scratch your head and say hmm.

 One day I was working on some paperwork when I messed up, and without a second thought I said something.  Shortly after I spoke; someone turned to me and said very kindly, “Please do not use that word, I find it offensive.”  It was after that, I had to dig a little deeper to see why people get offended when particular words are said.  I had to take the opportunity to educate myself and maybe others!

What was the offensive word that spewed from out of my mouth?  I had said "oh that was so retarded!" Retard or retarded is a term I have always typically used to call myself or something that I have done wrong.  I do not direct it towards anyone and have never given it much thought.   It is not to say that I didn't understand why the word retard offended the individual, because I do. I am a parent of a child with special needs, as is the individual whom I offended.

So after that fateful day I came home and went to find my ever trusty Webster’s New Encyclopedic Dictionary that my grandmother had purchased for me back when I first started college (in the 90’s).  I flipped through the pages until I found the word retard.  Here is the definition of the word retard: to slow up or hold back; to be slow.   Instantly I had to wonder why anyone would get offended by that?!  I mean really….who doesn't have a little retard in them?  I know I do!  I am a self-proclaimed math retard!  My inability to work quickly through a math problem kept me away from going back to school for, well, way longer than I would like to admit.  Wanting to further enlighten myself, I did a Google search of retard; A LOT pops up about how or why people shouldn't use the “R” word, how offensive it is, etc... But nothing popped up about word origins.

OK, now for a little history on the word.  Retard comes from the Latin word retardare “to make slow, delay, keep back, to hinder,” my 14 year old informed me that the word ritardando (which also happens to have roots from the Latin word retardare) is used in the musical word and it means a slowing down; or deceleration.   Mental retardation means the same as mentally delayed. So by definition there is nothing derogatory about the word retard.  It is in the power we give it! It was in the 1960’s that the word retard started to be used in a derogatory sense. It is when we allow uneducated rhetoric to sway our thoughts that we allow even more demeaning terms to be adopted.  Step into the 21^st century and the realm of political correctness. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (the DSM) which is considered the bible of mental disorders has changed the wording of the diagnosis from mental retardation to intellectual disability. Here in lies another questions, what about the word disable?  Back to that trusty dictionary; disable means to make unable or incapable.  So by calling someone disabled are we saying they are incapable of doing one thing or another?   In this politically correct world we live in are we actually being more demeaning?  I personally would much rather be labeled slow then to have a label slapped on me saying I was incapable!

If you haven’t noticed yet, it is the modern world that has placed the negative connotation onto retard, a term meaning slow. Now, I am not some heartless witch!  When I see people use the word in a judgmental way it makes me sad. I have the wonderful opportunity to work with many who have special needs, and I have come into contact with many who have the diagnosis of mental retardation intellectual disability.  I enjoy the opportunities I have to spend time with them, and I am constantly learning from them. If someone uses the word retard in a harmful way, I make sure they understand that the word means to be slow at something and each and every one of us is slow at something!

Now for the wisdom of my teenagers!  While driving them across town to school, I asked them both if they would be offended if someone called them retarded.  The 14 year old was the first to pipe up replying “No, because I know it isn't true.”  Then came the 16 year old reply “well duh!”  To understand the difference in replies you need to know that my 16 year old is an Aspie (he has Asperger Syndrome.)  After we talked about the word and what it really meant, with all the wisdom of a 16 year old, he said “well it is just dumb that people think the word retard means stupid!”  Amen to that!  We closed the conversation as we pulled up to the high school with my advice to him.  If someone calls him retarded, he should smile and say “Why yes, I am slow at a few things (after all the word retard means to be slow), but I would much rather be slow then stupid!  (Stupid: lacking intelligence or common sense) And your improper use of the word retard shows your stupidity, buy a dictionary!”  They both laughed, and said almost in unison, “OK mom, we will have the smarter mouth!”

Bad Words

This made me laugh!  Seriously though, are there not times when you get frustrated and certain words just slip out? Remember, only you can assign meaning to a word!  You hold the power!